Paperback: 138 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (May 11, 2015)
Someone Died… Now What? is a GPS for grieving. Corrie Sirota provides Guidance, Perspective and Support to help you navigate your way through the grief process. Whether someone you love has died or someone you know is struggling with a loss, this book addresses many of the issues and questions that surface, providing concrete assistance on what to do immediately following a death, how to deal with feelings of sadness, anger and guilt, non-death losses and how to support grieving children. You will learn that grief is an ongoing process, and is as unique and individual as you are.
This is a very good book for anyone who has lost someone. The grieving process is different for everyone and there are plenty of myths about it. One of the myths that I know to be untrue is “A sudden death is worse than a death resulting from a long term illness”. My mother died from cancer and even though we all thought we were prepared for it, we weren’t. It was as devastating as if she had died instantly with no warning.
In the beginning of the book is a chapter about the stupid things people say to you when you lose a loved one. Thankfully, no one said anything to me when my husband passed away, that I felt was stupid or hit me the wrong way. The bulk of my support came from my 3 children and 4 grandchildren. They were grieving along with me. I don’t know how I’d have survived without their support. The rest of my support came from my friends and book blogging friends. So many kind words and prayers and I can’t thank you all enough.
The book lists the stages of greif as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Grief, Acceptance. I felt all of those things, but the grief was present from even before my husband Henry passed away, because I knew it was coming. The thought of losing the love of my life was overwhelming. For me, other than the grief, depression was the biggest stage for me. I went, and still do from time to time, through periods of depression. I was Henry’s sole caregiver for almost 30 years and for most of those years I didn’t work outside the house and we were together pretty much 24/7. Not having him with me to talk to, not hearing him sing etc. is something I’ll probably always have trouble dealing with.
The book also talks about how so many things can trigger sadness. That is definitely true. So many things remind me of Henry, and now of my dog Patches who I lost on Sept. 28th. She was my baby and I miss her so much.
Another thing I found that related to me was that people second guessing themselves. “I should have, if only I’d, and I could have”. I’ve said them all many times. The book lists some ways to move forward:
Ask for help or let people help
Allow yourself to grieve
Avoid making hasty decisions
Take care of yourself physically
Remember good nutrition is important
Keep a journal
join a book club
make daily affirmations
get involved in social and leisure activities
plan things to look forward to
do something for someone else
hold onto hope
put balance back into your life: pray, rest, work and play
join a grief support group
go to church
try saying yes more often
One of the most profound statements in the book for me was when the author wrote of a woman named Sari, a woman who had lost her husband, who said “It’s like a land mine. You are concentrating on something and all of a sudden, BOOM, it hits you. Hard. And you didn’t even see it coming.” That has happened to me so many times. And it’s like a fresh cut each time.
The last few chapters are Creating New “Normals”, The Importance Of Laughter, The Importance of Laughter-Really, and Gone But Not Forgotten. I am starting to laugh more and am getting ready to make some changes to my life that will set me on the path to a new normal. But yes, although Henry is gone, he will never be forgotten. He was and will always be a huge part of me.
This is a short book, only 138 pages, but it is packed full of so much more than what I’ve mentioned. I will be reading this book from time to time because of the comfort I felt while reading it. I definitely recommend it for any one else going through the stages of grief.